his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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