Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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