i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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