I accidentally burped into my bong.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
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