At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
