tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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