Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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