Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
