Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize