she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So squirting runs in the family.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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