I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
