I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
