marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
