There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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