I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize