i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
