Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I need to sanitize my soul.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
