I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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