if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
