It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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