We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
