I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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