If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
