i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
