summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
