She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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