I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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