When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
