summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
