I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
