Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have fence marks all over my body
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
