Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Drunk is a universal language darling
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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