i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
