dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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