Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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