Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
