you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
