All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize