she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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