I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
