My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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