I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize