My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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