So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
