In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize