i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
