You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
