I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
