Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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