I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
