she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
