so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just invented taco cereal.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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