why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
