dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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