I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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