So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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