She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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