I just made out with a guy for $7.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
