You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
