All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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