Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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