I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
