My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
