party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
