this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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