You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
