I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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