Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
