3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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