WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
