Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
zippers are such a cool invention
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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