it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
