I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
