Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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