so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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