Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
