I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
