he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
