Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
