my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
