As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
