WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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