It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
