i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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