the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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