She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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