I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
