I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
