THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
