Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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