I wish I could teleport
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
worst night to have a conscience
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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