I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
