I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
