It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
