I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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