My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
