she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The air was thick with penises
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
