I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize