Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
