And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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