Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
