She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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