I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
