her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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