allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
